The decision to see a therapist is brave and potentially life-changing. Many people experience mental, emotional, and behavioral disturbances without taking the vital step of seeking professional help. However, once you’ve begun therapy, there’s a 20% chance that you’ll drop out prematurely. There could be many reasons for discontinuing therapy, some of which are beyond your control, but there are also many approaches you can take to get the most out of your therapy. Let’s take a closer look at some of these approaches by asking and answering five simple questions:
(1) Is your problem right for your therapist? Therapy is a catch-all word, but, as in all professions, therapists have their areas of special expertise. Katharine Mair referred to how “the mystique of the professional healer” can give rise to the mistaken belief that all therapists can treat all mental health problems. Find out more about the specific mental health problems your therapist specializes in, is experienced with, and is trained or certified in. Come to your intake session prepared to ask more detailed follow-up sessions.
(2) Are you flexible and patient? Therapy is a process that requires commitment and creativity from you and your therapist. While many clients of mental health and related services want immediate or short-term results, remember that therapy is neither a quick fix nor a commodity. You’ll get more out of therapy if you keep an open mind, commit to the process, and allow yourself to go down some new paths.
(3) Can you be vulnerable? Vulnerability, though painful, is a necessary precursor of growth and healing. However, many of us don’t like to be vulnerable and haven’t had much practice at it. Some of us follow cultural and gendered scripts that are hostile to vulnerability. Some of us are afraid of disclosing emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that make us look bad, both to ourselves and others. Although you don’t have to embrace vulnerability for its own sake, you’ll have to let at least some of your defenses down to get the most out of therapy.
(4) Are you putting an individual band-aid on a systems wound? If you’re experiencing a problem in your relationship or family, there’s a limit to how much individual therapy can help you. You should consider couples, marriage, or family therapy—all of which are systems approaches—whenever possible.
(5) Can you put healing first? Some people go to therapy because they like the process; after all, having a professional listener focus on your problems can give you free-floating relief, liberation, and empowerment. However, you probably came to therapy because of a discrete problem such as intrusive thoughts, an eating disorder, conflict in your relationship, or depression. Therapy should therefore be healing, and healing requires you to remain mindful of the structured immediacy of (a) why you came to therapy and (b) what you want to achieve.
You can’t guarantee a successful therapeutic outcome or experience, but you can increase the likelihood of getting what you need out of therapy. Asking—and answering—the questions above could be a good start.
